Safety Communication Health Education Future
A place for families to explore what it means to be responsible

Being a parent or a caregiver to children is hard work.  By devoting a part of your life to taking care of someone else, it is easy to neglect yourself.  Due to the amount of dedication that it takes to be a "good" parent, many caregivers find themselves resenting just about everyone.  They might feel guilty because they resent their kids for all kinds of reasons.  They might resent each other for being resentful, resent the neighbors for being happy... and end up spending a lot of their lives being just plain resentful. 

I would say that being resentful is normal, but a better way of saying it is that being resentful is common.  A lot of people, especially parents, hold resentment in their daily lives. Unfortunately, resentment does not get any of us anywhere, except to the land of unhappiness.  How can we be happy when we are worried that someone else has taken something away from us or has something that is better than ours, a better life, a better job, a happier marriage, whatever?  We can't.

So, are you resentful about something?  If you are, it is important to recognize your feelings, so that you can move beyond them.  Resentment is toxic to us and it needs to be resolved and overcome, so that you can enjoy life with your family. 

In a recent talk, I heard Mariel Hemingway say that "resentment leads to disease".  If people are doing things for others all the time and not doing things to make themselves happy, they will suffer dis-ease from the pent up anger and resentment inside of themselves.  People, especially caregivers, need to focus not just on helping those around them, but on making themselves happy. 

Here are some ways to let go of resentment.

1. You can choose to let it go.  Choose to forgive the person or situation and not hold them accountable for what you believe is unfair.
2. Realize that resentment is a choice that you do not have to make, it is a choice that you decide to make.  It is like a bad habit.  If you are aware of it and you decide that you do not want to make resentment a part of your life, it does not need to exist and you can overcome it!
3. Read healing books like the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz or the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra for guidance.  These books will teach you not to take things personally and to see the opportunities in life.
4. Talk to a therapist, spiritual advisor or trusted friend about your feelings.  Take steps to see that resentment is not doing anything but harm to you.
5. Do one nice thing for yourself every day!  Take a walk or a bath, read a book, get a massage, eat a piece of chocolate, listen to your favorite music and dance.  Do whatever makes you smile and do it as often as possible.

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
—Malachy McCourt

The more we concentrate on being happy and feeding our souls, the better parents and caregivers we can be.  Taking care of your family involves taking care of you too!  Don't forget about you.  Celebrate you!  I know it might sound corny, but everyone should celebrate life everyday, because you never know when it will end, for you or for someone you love.  Wouldn't it be a shame not to appreciate every last moment with the ones you love?  

"We cannot change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot guilt and plant forgiveness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate --- thereby, making the present comfortable and the future promising."
-- Maya Angelou

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