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Hello everyone and welcome to Ron. J. Clark, author of "Father Involvement: For Such a Time as This" and founder of Responsible Fatherhood, an organization dedicated to improving the ability of men to help themselves and their families. After our interview, please visit Responsible Fatherhood for tips on how fathers can make a positive difference in the lives of their families. There is a wonderful message here and I would like Ron to be able to tell us more about his philosophy. So, lucky for us, he is with us today to discuss some tips for positive fatherhood involvement.
Thank you for taking the time to share your insights with our viewers today, Ron. We appreciate your contribution to responsible fatherhood! What an important message you are sending out! Our readers will certainly benefit from your words of wisdom.
The first question I would like to ask is what made you decided to take on this very powerful cause and what is your ultimate goal with responsiblefatherhood.org? Was there a particular event or person that inspired you?
I am personally and professionally aware of the pain of father-absence and the rewards of father involvement. As the product of a low-income single-mother household with four brothers, I always carried this deep emotional pain about not having a relationship with my father. My mother did an excellent job but there is something unique and irreplaceable that children get from their father that they cannot get from their mother. Although my mother instilled in me a strong work ethic and respect for women, she could not role-model that behavior. In simple, a mother can teach a young man about manhood and fatherhood but she cannot demonstrate that behavior. In order to be a man you need to see a man.
This is equally true for girls. For boys, fathers serve as role models. But for girls, fathers serve as relationship models. In a strange way, I can confidently say that my pain became my passion and my mess became my message.
I started out my professional career operating a program for at-risk males and teen fathers. Next, I served as Director of the Governor’s Fatherhood Campaign. Currently, I provide consultant services to local, state, and federal government agencies and presentations in the area of male responsibility and father involvement at public/private and religious conferences.
A lot of the focus in the media is on motherhood and how that changes a woman's life. Surely we know that men are affected by the influence that a baby can bring to life as well. Can you explain about the changes that a father experiences upon the arrival of a child?
Fathers often swing between two emotional extremes. On one hand, many feel joy at knowing that they have created life and have a purpose for living outside of themselves. A child now depends on them for survival. Also, many men feel a sense of fear, due to not knowing if they can really measure-up.
We live in a culture that has socialized girls for motherhood through dolls and other means. However, we have not really nurtured boys toward preparation for manhood and eventually fatherhood. The message men often receive is that of needing to pay bills. If you don’t pay bills then you are not a real man. Unfortunately, many men and sectors of society have reduced fatherhood to money. I always say we have created men who can be successful on Wall Street but not Sesame Street. We, as men and fathers, must understand that children need our presence—not just our presents.
You have a history in real estate and business, so you are obviously a working father. I know my husband comes home from working a long day and only has about an hour to spend with our children in the evenings. He makes the most of that time by talking and interacting with our kids, but it can be challenging. Understandably, a lot of dads don't have the energy or the desire after a long day to get down and play with their kids. Do you have any tips for fathers who are working late or traveling and do not get to spend very much time with their children on a daily basis?
In my travel, I meet men who have the same struggle. I strongly encourage men to regularly communicate with their children via text message, phone calls, email, special written notes, or other means to let your child(ren) know that you are thinking about them. There is a big difference between knowing that your father can’t be present versus him not wanting to be present or involved in your life.
I also think its important to mention that a father can be present in the home and still be an absent dad if he does not regularly engage his children into a meaningful relationship. You can be physically present but emotionally absent in the life of your child(ren).
Also remember that no amount of business success can compensate for failure at home.
How do you think fatherhood involvement or a lack of involvement can alter a child's future?
Research clearly tells us that children from two-parent (mother and father) households tend to do better in life. They are less likely to go to prison, be a teen parent, become involved in drugs, and the like. Good dads do make the difference in the lives of children. I have a tremendous respect for single-mothers like mine that are able to raise kids who become productive members of society. However, I see many that experience a hernia of sorts. They are lifting a load that was supposed to be carried by two persons---a mother and father.
I think it is important for me to say that I am not saying that mothers should stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of father involvement. When there is abuse, the mother needs to leave. However, I encourage her to connect her sons and daughters to men who are positive role models. All children should have a healthy experience and understanding in the area of fatherhood and motherhood. I am particularly seeing an increased number of women who are abandoning or neglecting their children.
Are there any books or other media that you have found to be particularly informative or helpful with inspiring you to become more involved with your own kids? Many of the fathers I know need an inspirational role model to emulate because their own father was not present or was not a positive influence. Are there any public figures that are great role models for dads?
The National Fatherhood Initiative and the National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse are great sites for getting the most updated fatherhood information. Both groups keep their sites updated with the latest fatherhood information. I also travel frequently and have received extremely positive feedback on my website www.ronjclark.org or www.responsiblefatherhood.org and my book entitled Father Involvement: For Such A Time as This. I regularly speak at government, private and religious conferences to fathers and those providing services to men and fathers.
Families aren't just about kids, we can't forget about the importance of the relationship between mom and dad. What can fathers do to create a positive balance in their relationships with both their partners and their children?
When I speak about role-modeling, I am also saying that it’s important for children to see how much their father values their mother. You would not believe the value of this message. Boys learn that they should value girls or women in the present and future. Girls learn how they should be treated by boys and eventually men.
As for the relationship-balance issue between wife and children, fathers should carve out special date nights for their wife and other special times for their children. Sharing an apple pie at McDonalds with deep and rich husband-wife communication is an example of a date. A spontaneous text- message to your child(ren) is great communication. Again, it is critically important to let your spouse and children know that they are on your mind.
Again, it’s not so much the amount of money you spend but the amount of attention you give. In fact, I have come across reformed incarcerated men who have a healthier relationship with their children than fathers who live in the household. Again, it’s about presence or attention--and not presents.
If there were one piece of advice that you could give to all fathers, what would it be?
I highly encourage all fathers to seek out highly seasoned fathers and learn from them---especially grandfathers. These men, whether by successful or unsuccessful child rearing, often have a lot of wisdom. I personally have found these men at church, work, or just by accident. If you truly seek, you will find.
Thank you so much for your time, Ron! I am positive that our readers will be sharing this amazing information with every father they know! There are not a lot of people out there who are attacking this issue with as much devotion as you are. I wish you much luck and success and hope that your message is carried far and wide as it will truly benefit any family to have a father that is involved and responsible! Good luck in your efforts and please come back and visit us again!
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Communication 
