|
This past weekend I had the fortunate experience of shooting a wedding video for a wonderful couple who was madly in love. The wedding was set on a beautiful vineyard in Calistoga that belongs to the bride's family. The day was a gorgeous, weather in the upper 70s, sun shining, a nice breeze every once in a while (everyone's hair had to stay pretty, so it couldn't blow too hard!) and all of the guests were dressed beautifully and happy to be there. The husband and wife to be were clearly in love and very vested in the day's events. As I watched the bride and groom take their vows, I began to think about Responsible Family and how it related to the situation I was in. These days, this is something I cannot refrain from doing! There were some very important thoughts that passed through my mind that I would like to share and hear your thoughts on. The first thing that I thought of is the pressure that people start to feel, in their mid to late thirties, to get married. There is personal pressure that people place on themselves to find the right partner and settle down. There is biological pressure for women who want to have children, especially if they want to have more than one child. There is social pressure as friends marry off and a few are the remaining singles. Sometimes being a remaining single is worn like a badge of honor, other times, it is dreaded. There is societal pressure to follow the norms of growing up, getting married, having a family, blah blah blah. What ends up happening often times is that people marry for the wrong reasons and find themselves in unhealthy relationships. If these people end up having children, this can have disasterous consequences. So, why does our society place so much importance on getting married at a young age? There are obvious reasons, like being married when you have children, but I find it strange that there are tax benefits to being married. What do taxes have to do with love? Another area that I bagan to question after the wedding that relates to Responsible Family is family connectedness. This is something that I see in my own family of origin and that I am fascinated by. Every family has issues that it must deal with over the course of a lifetime. If you look around you, you will notice that families are dealing with issues that range from illness to divorce to homosexuality to depression and on and on. Each issue has the potential to bring the family together or pull the family apart. Is a strong family the one that stays together? Most people would say yes, but I feel that it depends on the situation. Each person must do what is best for him or herself, as it relates to the family. People usually put themselves before others and often this ends up hurting feelings and separating people from each other within the family. As I watched this couple get married and saw their families smiling and chatting about the day, I wondered how the choices that we all make can affect the family unit. I wondered if there is a way to guarantee healthy relationships and steps we can all take to bond together rather than pull apart. And I came up with a list of items that may not be able to guaratntee healthy relationships and happiness, but they certainly can help. 1. If you are in a relationship that is unhappy or unhealthy (meaning you feel unbalanced and unable to communicate and feel understood) ask your primary physician for a referral to a therapist. Couples therapy is a life saver! I can tell you this from experience, not only working with couples, but having a fabulous therapist that my husband and I have worked with for over 10 years. 2. If your partner is not willing to go to couples therapy, seek individual therapy. Often times, this can help open the doorway to communication that will eventually lead to couples therapy. 3. Read inspirational books that help open your awareness to the effects that you have on those around you. It is not often enough that we take into account how our words and actions affect others. Even if you do not consider yourself to be spiritual or "new age", reading books like The Four Agreements, the Secret and the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success can change your outlook on life. 4. Have date night every week, whether you have kids or not. Time spent on your relationship is time worth spending. When my husband and I do not have date night, we can tell that our relationship suffers. If you cannot afford to get a babysitter or help with the kids, have a late dinner after they go to sleep and turn off the TV. Tme being together, playing cards or games or just talking will help you to bond and have more positive memories for your relationship. 5. Eat at least one meal a day together, as a family. We are not very good at this in our house, especially since I have started this business and my husband works late...but we are striving for it. There are so many studies that show the positive effects of family meals and it is a great way to show your family that you want to spend time with them. The benefits include everything from kids having higher self esteem and a lower rate of drug and alcohol abuse later on, to a healthier lifestyle and better communication skills throughout life. 6. READ! Read by yourself, read with your kids, read next to your partner. Read material that make your mind stronger and your heart wiser. I used to be addicted to those supermaket tabloids until I came to the realization that they weren't doing anything to make me a better, happier person (and I feel sorry for the people who they are trashing). I still pick one up In Touch every once in a while and sometimes I read the trashy celebrity blogs , but it is now more like once a week, not once an hour! 7. Tell the special people in your life that you love them! And do this often. Friends, family, life partners, children, teachers, whoever is important to you. Give them cards, gifts and special momentos that let them know that they are loved. Everyone needs this on a regular basis. It is a nice thing to do and it will make you feel good too. 8. Take good care of yourself: mind, body and spirit. Exercise in some way for at least 15 minutes a day. Walking counts! Take time to be with your friends on a regular basis. Take time to spoil yourself a little- get that massage, get your hair done, buy that pair of shoes you have been thinking about! Take time to be quiet during your day, if only for a few minutes. During this time, shut off the phone, turn off the TV, the computer, the noise... and sit still. Turn off your thoughts, your judgement and be quiet. Listen to your body. Be a friend to youself and take care of you! 9. If you have an addiction or a substance abuse problem that is impacting your relationships, your career, your health or your sanity, get help. There is no sense dragging out the inevitable. If you don't know where to get help, ask a friend or loved one to help you. If you are aware of your problem, chances are everyone around you is too and they are waiting to help you. Do not be ashamed of your problem, this will do nothing for you. Just reach out and get help. If you need resources, email me or post on the forums and we will help you. Life is not easy and sometimes we get on the wrong path, but only you can choose when you are ready to make a change. 10. If your loved one has an addiction or substance abuse problem, do not let them destroy their life, especially if children are involved. Parents with substance or alcohol abuse problems are role models for their kids. Do you want your children to have this issue when they grow older, or do you want your child to see how you and your mate worked through it? Talk to friends, post on our board or email me if you need resources. 11. Be open to life. If you want to be healthy and happy, you need to be open to that. Say it out loud. Tell people that you want to be happy and healthy and if you need it, ask them if they can help you. Working together with family and friends to acheive happiness together is the best way to make sure you stay on track. Communities are for support and here at Responsible Family, we can build this community to help make a happier and healthier world around us. Relationships are a lot of work. They are not easy. We all want to be happy, healthy and secure in the choices we make and in the life that we choose. In marriage, in family and in friendships, these 11 steps can help keep us heading in the right direction. I am sure there are more things we can do, so please tell us what you think. We would love to hear your expertise!
|
Communication 
